We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
