I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
