After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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