She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
