He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
