no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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