maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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