Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
