the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
