Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
