hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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