Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My ass is underappreciated
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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