just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
