Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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