How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
