I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Randomize