Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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