so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize