My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We just shotgunned beers for America
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize