Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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