Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
