Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
