so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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