Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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