I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
