She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
