the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
