I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
