I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize