I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize