He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
