This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A+ Viking dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
