Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
