i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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