eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh god it's open bar.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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