I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
