You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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