Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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