I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
