Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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