Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
