That's when you crack a 10am beer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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