I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
