He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
