Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
