Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
