This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
