ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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