Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
