That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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