Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
