writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
