I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
