Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize