i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
