No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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