we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
