I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
