420 ftw
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
