I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
