we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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