i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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