hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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