my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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