as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
