I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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