Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize