We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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