Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
