That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
