If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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