I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
