Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
