Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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