since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
