I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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