No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
