There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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