why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
